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  • Steve G

Part III: A Ravenclaw Reads Faulkner

For those unfamiliar with the site, Am I the Asshole? is a subreddit where users can seek judgment on conflicts they've had with other individuals. Commenters vote with four different abbreviations and the most upvoted comment becomes the verdict. The abbreviations work as follows:

YTA: You're the asshole

NTA: Not the asshole

ESH: Everyone sucks here

NAH: No assholes here

After my initial account had been exposed by Twitter, I knew I had to venture into other subs, and AITA was ripe for trolling. All I needed was a controversial topic, and Harry Potter houses proved perfect.


Got into this argument with my girlfriend the other day. We both agreed that I would be in Ravenclaw because they value intelligence and I graduated college cum laude and have read Faulkner. But we couldn't agree on what house she belongs to.

She was adamant that she belongs in Gryffindor and I just had to call her out on it. I told her she was only saying that because Harry was in Gryffindor and that as a white girl whose dad is a lawyer and whose mother is a clinical psychologist, she's never had to overcome anything in her life. One of the tenets of the Gryffindor ethos is courage, and it doesn't take courage to drive around in the Audi that your dad bought you.

So of course she gets mad at this, further proving my point. She asks me what house I would sort her into, and I tell her Slytherin. And she responds exactly as a Slytherin would. She frowns, turns red, and then tells me I'm an idiot, I don't know what I'm talking about, and that she's taken the quiz on Pottermore multiple times and is always sorted into Gryffindor, so why the fuck would I say she's a Slytherin?

I value honestly in a relationship so I basically told her that she comes from a rich, 100% Irish family, and that she tends to be a bitch when she doesn't get her way, like right now. She flips out. We start fighting. I probably should've just told her that she was a Gryffindor but I was heated so instead I doubled down and said that even her sexual proclivities would point to Slytherin because she's a dom (which I love) but she still refused to see my point.

She told me I was an asshole taking a discussion about fictional houses so seriously but like I said, I value honesty, and I think the house a woman chooses for herself says a lot about how she views herself and the person she aspires to be. AITA?


The post evoked a variety of responses, many of which were from the "Read Another Book" crowd which I didn't even know was a thing. More interestingly, it ignited a debate on both Twitter and Reddit about the merits of the four Harry Potter houses.


I couldn't help but feed the flames, just a little bit.



Ultimately, this post led to my crowning achievement. When people ask me what drives me, the reason I do what I do, I can only point to this:

If you like this material, check out The Shitpost Diaries IV: Picasso's Brush, where I take up the mantle of aspiring novelist, and shock the internet with my pretentiousness and purple prose.

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