• Steve G

Georgia temporarily scraps road test requirement for driver's licenses

Source: Under a new executive order by Georgia Governor Brian Kemp, aspiring license holders will no longer need to pass a formal test. Instead, new drivers will just need their parent’s approval.

Gov. Kemp signed the order April 23 and is in effect due to the COVID-19 pandemic.


I know everybody's ready to rip on Georgia here, and who can blame them. I mean just a few days ago I was watching news coverage of the state's gradual reopening and the shots of its selfless citizens venturing back out into the world. A woman rushed to the nail salon to get the manicure she so desperately needed, topped off with sunny, sanitary fake nails to welcome the spring; a man sprinted to the nearest tattoo parlor to blow his stimulus check on the latest addition to his shitty sleeve that defines his entire personality--all while one researcher predicts the reopening will lead to a doubling of deaths in the state by August.

So yeah, aside from Outkast, UFO Georgia Peach (which they don't even make) and 28-3, Georgia hasn't exactly contributed much to the world. But I just can't bring myself to hate on them for throwing the road test requirement out of the window for the time being.


I went through all the bullshit to get my license. I sat in the Driver's Ed classes with all the idiots in my high school. I watched Red Asphalt which is the second most disturbing educational video I ever had to suffer through, right after those even more grotesque health class videos of women giving birth (still don't know why I needed to watch that shit at 15). I walked around the room with drunk goggles on even though at that age I refused to even touch a single Mike's Hard Lemonade offered to me by my buddy. And I studied hard for the written test only to sit in the classroom on exam day and have the certified instructor give everybody the answers.


My first car, a stick shift which made me way hotter

The road lessons weren't helpful, either. I learned more from my dad screaming at me every time I approached a stop sign at an appropriate speed than I ever did from the road lessons that cost

like $100 a pop. Road lessons that mainly consisted of driving my instructor to the nearest gas station so they could grab a coffee and rip a cigarette in the parking lot. Then we'd pull onto a side street and parallel park on some rando's car as I anxiously glanced at their front door half-expecting a shotgun blast. Finally, we'd drive to the next kid's house who would take over and drive me home in awkward silence, bonus awkward points if it was a cute girl.


Of course, you could argue that my experience isn't reflective of all driver's ed, and to you I would say just think of your daily commute. How many times a week are you stuck at a red light as it turns green, only to have to honk because the driver in front of you has yet to peel their eyes from their phone? How often are you driving 75 or 80 on the highway only to have some douchebag in a souped-up Toyota Celica weaving through lanes like he doesn't work the nightshift at Taco Bell? Have you ever seen a BMW driver that isn't an asshole? Back when I was commuting, I would encounter these people daily.


My point is, there are still plenty of morons on the roads. Clueless people, inconsiderate people and downright violent, aggressive people--not too mention all of the drunk drivers. And all of these people passed their road tests, which are pretty simple as long as you can backup in a straight line and parallel park successfully one time before you go on to avoid doing it ever again for the rest of your life.


So hey, fuck it. Let's let those teenagers drive. They can't be any worse than the guy with 6 DUIs driving on the sidewalk after eight Bud Lights who somehow still has a license, or the grandma in her station wagon going 40 on the interstate who can't remember how many kids she has. And shit, these kids already lost out on prom and graduation and a bunch of other things. That 18-year-old virgin with no license deserves one last shot at victory before going off to college and becoming a loser forever and you can't get the bitches in their feels if you don't have wheels. If we're letting people get manicures and tattoos, then let teenagers get their licenses. They deserve the freedom of the open road and the thrill of awkward backseat sexual encounters too, before--much like Jack and Diane--that youthful zeal fades forever from their lives.